List of Two and a Half Men episodes

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Two and a Half Men is a CBS sitcom that premiered on September 22, 2003. Almost every episode's title is a phrase said by one of the characters in that episode. The three exceptions are the pilot episode and the episodes "Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor" (Season 1) and "Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers" (Season 2). The latter episode does fit the criterion, but the quote was part of a deleted scene which Chuck Lorre explains in the episode's vanity card.

The episodes "Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead" (Season 8) and "Who's Vod Kanockers?" (Season 4) are also not direct quotes; Charlie sings his song called "Chocolate Diddlers", while Alan suggests it sounds more like "My Puppy's Dead". The episode title is offering up a suggestion to which of the two titles the song could be called. Jake asks who "Vod Kanockers" is, but in a longer manner. The episode title is a shorter version of what Jake asked.

On March 13, 2014, Two and a Half Men was renewed for a 12th season, which was announced the following May as being its last season,[1] that premiered on October 30, 2014.[2][3] During the course of the series, 262 episodes of Two and a Half Men aired over 12 seasons.

Series overview

Season Episodes Originally aired
First aired Last aired
1 24 September 22, 2003 (2003-09-22) May 24, 2004 (2004-05-24)
2 24 September 20, 2004 (2004-09-20) May 23, 2005 (2005-05-23)
3 24 September 19, 2005 (2005-09-19) May 22, 2006 (2006-05-22)
4 24 September 18, 2006 (2006-09-18) May 14, 2007 (2007-05-14)
5 19 September 24, 2007 (2007-09-24) May 19, 2008 (2008-05-19)
6 24 September 22, 2008 (2008-09-22) May 18, 2009 (2009-05-18)
7 22 September 21, 2009 (2009-09-21) May 24, 2010 (2010-05-24)
8 16 September 20, 2010 (2010-09-20) February 14, 2011 (2011-02-14)
9 24 September 19, 2011 (2011-09-19) May 14, 2012 (2012-05-14)
10 23 September 27, 2012 (2012-09-27) May 9, 2013 (2013-05-09)
11 22 September 26, 2013 (2013-09-26) May 8, 2014 (2014-05-08)
12 16 October 30, 2014 (2014-10-30) February 19, 2015 (2015-02-19)

Episodes

Season 1 (2003/04)

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Main article: Two and a Half Men (season 1)
No. in
series		 No. in
season		 Title Directed by Written by Original air date U.S. viewers
(millions)
1 1 "Pilot"
"Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal"		 James Burrows Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn September 22, 2003 (2003-09-22) 18.44[4]
2 2 "Big Flappy Bastards" Andy Ackerman Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn (story)
Eddie Gorodetsky & Jeff Abugov (teleplay)		 September 29, 2003 (2003-09-29) 16.18[5]
3 3 "Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell" Andy Ackerman Chuck Lorre & Don Foster (story)
Mark Roberts & Lee Aronsohn (teleplay)		 October 6, 2003 (2003-10-06) 14.82[6]
4 4 "If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap" Andy Ackerman Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn (story)
Susan Beavers & Don Foster (teleplay)		 October 13, 2003 (2003-10-13) 14.73[7]
5 5 "The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up with a Hump" Andy Ackerman Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn (story)
Eddie Gorodetsky & Jeff Abugov (teleplay)		 October 20, 2003 (2003-10-20) 15.24[8]
6 6 "Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?" Andy Ackerman Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn (story)
Susan Beavers & Don Foster (teleplay)		 October 27, 2003 (2003-10-27) 15.82[9]
7 7 "If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake" Andy Ackerman Chuck Lorre & Don Foster (story)
Mark Roberts & Lee Aronsohn (teleplay)		 November 3, 2003 (2003-11-03) 16.02[10]
8 8 "Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snootful" Chuck Lorre Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn (story)
Eddie Gorodetsky & Jeff Abugov (teleplay)		 November 10, 2003 (2003-11-10) 15.81[11]
9 9 "Phase One, Complete" Andy Ackerman Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn (story)
Susan Beavers & Don Foster (teleplay)		 November 17, 2003 (2003-11-17) 15.98[12]
10 10 "Merry Thanksgiving" Jay Sandrich Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn November 24, 2003 (2003-11-24) 17.14[13]
11 11 "Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor" Robert Berlinger Chuck Lorre & Don Foster (story)
Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts (teleplay)		 December 15, 2003 (2003-12-15) 14.77[14]
12 12 "Camel Filters + Pheromones" Robert Berlinger Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn (story)
Susan Beavers & Mark Roberts (teleplay)		 January 5, 2004 (2004-01-05) 16.75[15]
13 13 "Sarah Like Puny Alan" Robert Berlinger Chuck Lorre (story)
Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster (teleplay)		 January 12, 2004 (2004-01-12) 17.86[16]
14 14 "I Can't Afford Hyenas" Rob Schiller Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn (story)
Jeff Abugov & Eddie Gorodetsky (teleplay)		 February 2, 2004 (2004-02-02) 16.48[17]
15 15 "Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick" Andrew D. Weyman Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn February 9, 2004 (2004-02-09) 16.96[18]
16 16 "That Was Saliva, Alan" Andrew D. Weyman Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn February 16, 2004 (2004-02-16) 17.39[19]
17 17 "Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats" Andrew D. Weyman Jeff Abugov & Eric Lapidus (story)
Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts (teleplay)		 February 23, 2004 (2004-02-23) 16.48[20]
18 18 "An Old Flame with a New Wick" Andrew D. Weyman Chuck Lorre & Don Foster (story)
Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts (teleplay)		 March 1, 2004 (2004-03-01) 17.10[21]
19 19 "I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You" Gail Mancuso Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn (story)
Don Foster Eddie Gorodetsky (teleplay)		 March 22, 2004 (2004-03-22) 16.43[22]
20 20 "Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark" Gary Halvorson Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn (story)
Jeff Abugov & Mark Roberts (teleplay)		 April 19, 2004 (2004-04-19) 14.58[23]
21 21 "No Sniffing, No Wowing" Rob Schiller Lee Aronsohn & Susan Beavers (story)
Chuck Lorre & Don Foster (teleplay)		 May 3, 2004 (2004-05-03) 16.20[24]
22 22 "My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet" Gail Mancuso Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster (story)
Chuck Lorre & Eddie Gorodetsky (teleplay)		 May 10, 2004 (2004-05-10) 16.00[25]
23 23 "Just Like Buffalo" Rob Schiller Chuck Lorre & Susan Beavers (story)
Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster (teleplay)		 May 17, 2004 (2004-05-17) 15.20[26]
24 24 "Can You Feel My Finger?" Rob Schiller Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn May 24, 2004 (2004-05-24) 18.16[27]

Season 2 (2004/05)

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Main article: Two and a Half Men (season 2)
No.
overall		 No. in
season		 Title Directed by Written by Original air date U.S. viewers
(millions)
25 1 "Back Off, Mary Poppins" Pamela Fryman Story by: Chuck Lorre
Teleplay by: Lee Aronsohn & Susan Beavers		 September 20, 2004 (2004-09-20) 16.44[28]
26 2 "Enjoy Those Garlic Balls" Pamela Fryman Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky		 September 27, 2004 (2004-09-27) 16.44[29]
27 3 "A Bag Full of Jawea" Pamela Fryman Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Jeff Abugov & Mark Roberts		 October 4, 2004 (2004-10-04) 16.43[30]
28 4 "Go Get Mommy's Bra" Pamela Fryman Story by: Chuck Lorre & Eddie Gorodetsly
Teleplay by: Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster		 October 11, 2004 (2004-10-11) 17.15[31]
29 5 "Bad News from the Clinic?" Pamela Fryman Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts & Jeff Abugov		 October 18, 2004 (2004-10-18) 16.28[32]
30 6 "The Price of Healthy Gums is Eternal Vigilance" Pamela Fryman Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky		 October 25, 2004 (2004-10-25) 17.25[33]
31 7 "A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana" Pamela Fryman Story by: Don Foster
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 November 8, 2004 (2004-11-08) 16.04[34]
32 8 "Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers" Pamela Fryman Story by: Don Foster & Jeff Abugov
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 November 15, 2004 (2004-11-15) 17.47[35]
33 9 "Yes, Monsignor" Pamela Fryman Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Jeff Abugov & Susan Beavers		 November 22, 2004 (2004-11-22) 18.94[36]
34 10 "The Salmon Under My Sweater" Pamela Fryman Story by: Don Foster & Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 November 29, 2004 (2004-11-29) 17.88[37]
35 11 "Last Chance to See Those Tattoos" Pamela Fryman Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn December 13, 2004 (2004-12-13) 16.22[38]
36 12 "A Lungful of Alan" Pamela Fryman Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky		 January 3, 2005 (2005-01-03) 18.03[39]
37 13 "Zejdz Z Moich Wlosów (a.k.a. Get Off My Hair)" Pamela Fryman Story by: Susan Beavers & Eddie Gorodetsky
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 January 17, 2005 (2005-01-17) 18.14[40]
38 14 "Those Big Pink Things with Coconut" Pamela Fryman Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Don Foster & Jeff Abugov		 January 31, 2005 (2005-01-31) 17.01[41]
39 15 "Smell the Umbrella Stand" Pamela Fryman Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Don Foster & Susan Beavers		 February 7, 2005 (2005-02-07) 16.75[42]
40 16 "Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?" Pamela Fryman Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Don Foster & Susan Beavers		 February 14, 2005 (2005-02-14) 16.78[43]
41 17 "Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!" Pamela Fryman Story by: Mark Roberts & Susan Beavers
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 February 21, 2005 (2005-02-21) 17.50[44]
42 18 "It Was 'Mame,' Mom" Pamela Fryman Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts		 March 7, 2005 (2005-03-07) 17.45[45]
43 19 "A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise" Gary Halvorson Story by: Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 March 21, 2005 (2005-03-21) 15.92[46]
44 20 "I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey" Asaad Kelada Story by: Susan Beavers & Jeff Abugov
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 April 18, 2005 (2005-04-18) 17.13[47]
45 21 "A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On" Pamela Fryman Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky		 May 2, 2005 (2005-05-02) 17.93[48]
46 22 "That Old Hose Bag is My Mother" Gary Halvorson Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts & Don Foster		 May 9, 2005 (2005-05-09) 17.96[49]
47 23 "Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab" J.D. Lobue Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Susan Beavers & Don Foster		 May 16, 2005 (2005-05-16) 24.24[50]
48 24 "Does This Smell Funny to You?" Pamela Fryman Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Susan Beavers & Jeff Abugov		 May 23, 2005 (2005-05-23) 14.37[51]

Season 3 (2005/06)

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Main article: Two and a Half Men (season 3)
No.
overall		 No. in
season		 Title Directed by Written by Original air date U.S. viewers
(millions)
49 1 "Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts" Gary Halvorson Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn September 19, 2005 (2005-09-19) 15.04[52]
50 2 "Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover" Gary Halvorson Susan Beavers & Eddie Gorodetsky September 26, 2005 (2005-09-26) 14.37[53]
51 3 "Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark" Gary Halvorson Story by: Chuck Lorre
Teleplay by: Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster		 October 3, 2005 (2005-10-03) 14.21[54]
52 4 "Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs" Gary Halvorson Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts		 October 10, 2005 (2005-10-10) 15.24[55]
53 5 "We Called It Mr. Pinky" Gary Halvorson Mark Roberts & Susan Beavers October 17, 2005 (2005-10-17) 15.56[56]
54 6 "Hi, Mr. Horned One" Gary Halvorson Story by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 October 24, 2005 (2005-10-24) 16.77[57]
55 7 "Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop" Gary Halvorson Story by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Don Foster
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 November 7, 2005 (2005-11-07) 16.19[58]
56 8 "That Voodoo That I Do Do" Gary Halvorson Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts		 November 14, 2005 (2005-11-14) 15.17[59]
57 9 "Madame and Her Special Friend" Asaad Kelada Story by: Jeff Abugov & Susan Beavers
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 November 21, 2005 (2005-11-21) 15.74[60]
58 10 "Something Salted and Twisted" Rob Schiller Story by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 November 28, 2005 (2005-11-28) 16.53[61]
59 11 "Santa's Village of the Damned" Rob Schiller Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Don Foster & Susan Beavers		 December 19, 2005 (2005-12-19) 17.71[62]
60 12 "That Special Tug" Rob Schiller Story by: Don Foster & Susan Beavers
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 January 9, 2006 (2006-01-09) 17.20[63]
61 13 "Humiliation is a Visual Medium" Rob Schiller Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky		 January 23, 2006 (2006-01-23) 17.07[64]
62 14 "Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded" Gary Halvorson Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Jeff Abugov
Teleplay by: Don Foster & Susan Beavers		 February 6, 2006 (2006-02-06) 16.33[65]
63 15 "My Tongue is Meat" Gary Halvorson Story by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 February 27, 2006 (2006-02-27) 17.04[66]
64 16 "Ergo, the Booty Call" Gary Halvorson Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Don Foster & Susan Beavers		 March 6, 2006 (2006-03-06) 17.06[67]
65 17 "The Unfortunate Little Schnauser" Gary Halvorson Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky		 March 13, 2006 (2006-03-13) 17.37[68]
66 18 "The Spit-Covered Cobbler" Gary Halvorson Story by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 March 20, 2006 (2006-03-20) 16.72[69]
67 19 "Golly Moses, She's a Muffin" Gary Halvorson Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky		 April 10, 2006 (2006-04-10) 14.05[70]
68 20 "Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro" Gary Halvorson Story by: Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre
Teleplay by: Susan Beavers & Don Foster		 April 24, 2006 (2006-04-24) 14.47[71]
69 21 "And the Plot Moistens" Jerry Zaks Story by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts		 May 1, 2006 (2006-05-01) 14.31[72]
70 22 "Just Once with Aunt Sophie" Lee Aronsohn Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre May 8, 2006 (2006-05-08) 14.87[73]
71 23 "Arguments for the Quickie" James Widdoes Story by: Susan Beavers & Don Foster
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 May 15, 2006 (2006-05-15) 11.04[74]
72 24 "That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite" James Widdoes Story by: Susan Beavers & Don Foster
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 May 22, 2006 (2006-05-22) 15.51[75]

Season 4 (2006/07)

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Main article: Two and a Half Men (season 4)
No.
overall		 No. in
season		 Title Directed by Written by Original air date U.S. viewers
(millions)
73 1 "Working for Caligula" Gary Halvorson Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre September 18, 2006 (2006-09-18) 15.09[76]
74 2 "Who's Vod Kanockers?" Gary Halvorson Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky		 September 25, 2006 (2006-09-25) 15.28[77]
75 3 "The Sea is a Harsh Mistress" Gary Halvorson Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts		 October 2, 2006 (2006-10-02) 15.80[78]
76 4 "A Pot Smoking Monkey" Gary Halvorson Story by: Bill Prady & Maria Espada Pearce
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Susan Beavers		 October 9, 2006 (2006-10-09) 16.38[79]
77 5 "A Live Woman of Proven Fertility" Gary Halvorson Story by: Don Foster & Susan Beavers
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 October 16, 2006 (2006-10-16) 16.25[80]
78 6 "Apologies for the Frivolity" Gary Halvorson Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Don Foster & Mark Roberts		 October 23, 2006 (2006-10-23) 15.03[81]
79 7 "Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head" Gary Halvorson Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 November 6, 2006 (2006-11-06) 14.48[82]
80 8 "Release the Dogs" Gary Halvorson Story by: Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 November 13, 2006 (2006-11-13) 15.83[83]
81 9 "Corey's Been Dead for an Hour" Gary Halvorson Story by: Mark Roberts & Don Foster
Teleplay by: Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre		 November 20, 2006 (2006-11-20) 15.04[84]
82 10 "Kissing Abe Lincoln" Gary Halvorson Story by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 November 27, 2006 (2006-11-27) 15.50[85]
83 11 "Walnuts and Demerol" Gary Halvorson Story by: Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre
Teleplay by: Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson		 December 11, 2006 (2006-12-11) 15.69[86]
84 12 "Castrating Sheep in Montana" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky		 January 8, 2007 (2007-01-08) 14.78[87]
85 13 "Don't Worry, Speed Racer" Gary Halvorson Story by: Mark Roberts & Susan Beavers
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 January 22, 2007 (2007-01-22) 15.85[88]
86 14 "That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami" Gary Halvorson Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Don Foster, Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson		 February 5, 2007 (2007-02-05) 17.68[89]
87 15 "My Damn Stalker" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky		 February 12, 2007 (2007-02-12) 15.50[90]
88 16 "Young People Have Phlegm Too" Andrew D. Weyman Story by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 February 19, 2007 (2007-02-19) 16.56[91]
89 17 "I Merely Slept with a Commie" Gary Halvorson Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson		 February 26, 2007 (2007-02-26) 16.58[92]
90 18 "It Never Rains in Hooterville" Gary Halvorson Story by: Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre
Teleplay by: Don Foster & Mark Roberts		 March 19, 2007 (2007-03-19) 11.68[93]
91 19 "Smooth as a Ken Doll" Gary Halvorson Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Susan Beavers, Eddie Gorodetsky & Don Foster		 April 9, 2007 (2007-04-09) 13.46[94]
92 20 "Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot" Jerry Zaks Story by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson
Teleplay by: Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre		 April 16, 2007 (2007-04-16) 13.03[95]
93 21 "Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous" Jerry Zaks Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts & Don Foster		 April 23, 2007 (2007-04-23) 12.27[96]
94 22 "Mr. McGlue's Feedbag" Jon Cryer Story by: Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre
Teleplay by: Jim Patterson & Don Foster		 April 30, 2007 (2007-04-30) 13.71[97]
95 23 "Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'" Lee Aronsohn Story by: Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre
Teleplay by: Don Foster, Mark Roberts & Jim Patterson		 May 7, 2007 (2007-05-07) 13.27[98]
96 24 "Prostitutes and Gelato" Ted Wass Story by: Susan Beavers & Eddie Gorodetsky
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 May 14, 2007 (2007-05-14) 10.16[99]

Season 5 (2007/08)

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Main article: Two and a Half Men (season 5)
No.
overall		 No. in
season		 Title Directed by Written by Original air date U.S. viewers
(millions)
97 1 "Large Birds, Spiders and Mom" Ted Wass Story by: Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky
Teleplay by: Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre		 September 24, 2007 (2007-09-24) 13.58[100]
98 2 "Media Room Slash Dungeon" Ted Wass Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Don Foster, Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson		 October 1, 2007 (2007-10-01) 13.24[100]
99 3 "Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo" Ted Wass Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre October 8, 2007 (2007-10-08) 13.02[100]
100 4 "City of Great Racks" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Don Foster & Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson		 October 15, 2007 (2007-10-15) 13.69[100]
101 5 "Putting Swim Fins on a Cat" James Widdoes Story by: Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky		 October 22, 2007 (2007-10-22) 13.94[101]
102 6 "Help Daddy Find His Toenail" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson		 October 29, 2007 (2007-10-29) 13.73[100]
103 7 "Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room" Ted Wass Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn November 5, 2007 (2007-11-05) 13.80[100]
104 8 "Is There a Mrs. Waffles?" Ted Wass Story by: Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 November 12, 2007 (2007-11-12) 14.12[100]
105 9 "Tight's Good" Jean Sagal Story by: Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky		 November 19, 2007 (2007-11-19) 13.92[100]
106 10 "Kinda Like Necrophilia" Ted Wass Story by: Jim Patterson & Susan Beavers
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 November 26, 2007 (2007-11-26) 15.26[100]
107 11 "Meander to Your Dander" James Widdoes Story by: Don Foster Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson		 March 17, 2008 (2008-03-17) 14.06[100]
108 12 "A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh" James Widdoes Story by: Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 March 24, 2008 (2008-03-24) 14.23[100]
109 13 "The Soil is Moist" James Widdoes Story by: Eddie Gorodetsky
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 March 31, 2008 (2008-03-31) 14.50[100]
110 14 "Winky-Dink Time" James Widdoes Story by: Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 April 14, 2008 (2008-04-14) 13.94[100]
111 15 "Rough Night in Hump Junction" James Widdoes Story by: Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 April 21, 2008 (2008-04-21) 13.36[100]
112 16 "Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty" Joel Zwick Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Don Foster & Susan Beavers		 April 28, 2008 (2008-04-28) 12.91[100]
113 17 "Fish in a Drawer" Jeff Melman Story by: Carol Mendelsohn & Naren Shankar
Teleplay by: Sarah Goldfinger & Evan Dunsky		 May 5, 2008 (2008-05-05) 13.61[100]
114 18 "If My Hole Could Talk" Jon Cryer Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson & Mark Roberts		 May 12, 2008 (2008-05-12) 13.82[100]
115 19 "Waiting for the Right Snapper" Jeff Melman Story by: Eddie Gorodetsky Don Foster
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts, Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre		 May 19, 2008 (2008-05-19) 14.70[100]

Season 6 (2008/09)

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Main article: Two and a Half Men (season 6)
No.
overall		 No. in
season		 Title Directed by Written by Original air date U.S. viewers
(millions)
116 1 "Taterhead is Our Love Child" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts, Don Foster & Jim Patterson		 September 22, 2008 (2008-09-22) 14.88[102]
117 2 "Pie Hole, Herb" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers		 September 29, 2008 (2008-09-29) 13.58[103]
118 3 "Damn You, Eggs Benedict" Jean Sagal Story by: Mark Roberts & Don Foster
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 October 6, 2008 (2008-10-06) 14.07[104]
119 4 "The Flavin' and the Mavin'" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 October 13, 2008 (2008-10-13) 14.72
120 5 "A Jock Strap in Hell" Jean Sagal Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers		 October 20, 2008 (2008-10-20) 14.63
121 6 "It's Always Nazi Week" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts & Jim Patterson		 November 3, 2008 (2008-11-03) 12.76
122 7 "Best H.O. Money Can Buy" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts, Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky		 November 10, 2008 (2008-11-10) 14.50
123 8 "Pinocchio's Mouth" Jeff Melman Story by: Chuck Lorre & Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Don Foster & Jim Patterson		 November 17, 2008 (2008-11-17) 15.18
124 9 "The Mooch at the Boo" Jeff Melman Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers		 November 24, 2008 (2008-11-24) 14.95
125 10 "He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited" Jeff Melman Story by: Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Don Foster & Susan Beavers		 December 8, 2008 (2008-12-08) 15.59
126 11 "The Devil's Lube" Jeff Melman Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 December 15, 2008 (2008-12-15) 17.92
127 12 "Thank God for Scoliosis" Jeff Melman Story by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Mark Roberts		 January 12, 2009 (2009-01-12) 17.10
128 13 "I Think You Offended Don" Jeff Melman Story by: Chuck Lorre & Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Lee Aronsohn, Don Foster & Jim Patterson		 January 19, 2009 (2009-01-19) 16.09
129 14 "David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie" Jeff Melman Story by: Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Don Foster & Jim Patterson		 February 2, 2009 (2009-02-02) 16.55
130 15 "I'd Like to Start with the Cat" Jeff Melman Story by: Chuck Lorre
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts, Don Foster & Susan Beavers		 February 9, 2009 (2009-02-09) 15.00
131 16 "She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime" Jeff Melman Story by: Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky		 March 2, 2009 (2009-03-02) 15.47
132 17 "The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?" James Widdoes Story by: Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts & Don Foster		 March 9, 2009 (2009-03-09) 13.44
133 18 "My Son's Enormous Head" James Widdoes Story by: Susan Beavers & Eddie Gorodetsky
Teleplay by: Lee Aronsohn & Jim Patterson		 March 16, 2009 (2009-03-16) 14.12
134 19 "The Two Finger Rule" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Susan Beavers, Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 March 30, 2009 (2009-03-30) 14.56
135 20 "Hello, I am Alan Cousteau" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Lee Aronsohn, Susan Beavers & Eddie Gorodetsky		 April 13, 2009 (2009-04-13) 15.03
136 21 "Above Exalted Cyclops" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky		 April 27, 2009 (2009-04-27) 14.16
137 22 "Sir Lancelot's Litter Box" Jon Cryer Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster
Teleplay by: Susan Beavers, Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 May 4, 2009 (2009-05-04) 14.17
138 23 "Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth" Mark Roberts Story by: Don Foster & Sid Youngers
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky		 May 11, 2009 (2009-05-11) 13.11
139 24 "Baseball Was Better with Steroids" Lee Aronsohn Story by: Mark Roberts & Susan Beavers
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 May 18, 2009 (2009-05-18) 16.18

Season 7 (2009/10)

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Main article: Two and a Half Men (season 7)
No.
overall		 No. in
season		 Title Directed by Written by Original air date U.S. viewers
(millions)
140 1 "818-jklpuzo" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Don Foster & Susan Beavers		 September 21, 2009 (2009-09-21) 13.63[105]
141 2 "Whipped Unto the Third Generation" James Widdoes Mark Roberts September 28, 2009 (2009-09-28) 13.86[106]
142 3 "Mmm, fish. Yum." James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson		 October 5, 2009 (2009-10-05) 13.07[107]
143 4 "Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator" James Widdoes Story by: Susan Beavers & Eddie Gorodetsky
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts		 October 12, 2009 (2009-10-12) 14.17[108]
144 5 "For the Sake of the Child" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Don Foster & Jim Patterson		 October 19, 2009 (2009-10-19) 14.07[109]
145 6 "Give Me Your Thumb" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: David Richardson		 November 2, 2009 (2009-11-02) 13.51[110]
146 7 "Untainted by Filth" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster
Teleplay by: Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson		 November 9, 2009 (2009-11-09) 14.44[111]
147 8 "Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle." James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson		 November 16, 2009 (2009-11-16) 13.69[112]
148 9 "Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair" James Widdoes Story by: Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky, Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts		 November 23, 2009 (2009-11-23) 13.91[113]
149 10 "That's Why They Call It Ball Room" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Jim Patterson
Teleplay by: Lee Aronsohn, Mark Roberts, Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky		 December 7, 2009 (2009-12-07) 14.84[114]
150 11 "Warning, It's Dirty" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Don Foster		 December 14, 2009 (2009-12-14) 16.37[115]
151 12 "Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Mark Roberts & Don Foster
Teleplay by: Susan Beavers, Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson & David Richardson		 January 11, 2010 (2010-01-11) 17.27[116]
152 13 "Yay, No Polyps!" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts, Don Foster & Jim Patterson		 January 18, 2010 (2010-01-18) 16.20[117]
153 14 "Crude and Uncalled For" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts, Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky		 February 1, 2010 (2010-02-01) 16.51[118]
154 15 "Aye, Aye, Captain Douche" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Susan Beavers
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts, Don Foster & Jim Patterson		 February 8, 2010 (2010-02-08) 17.66[119]
155 16 "Tinkle Like a Princess" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts, Don Foster & Jim Patterson		 March 1, 2010 (2010-03-01) 16.86[120]
156 17 "I Found Your Moustache" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts
Teleplay by: Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 March 8, 2010 (2010-03-08) 17.61[121]
157 18 "Ixnay on the Oggie Day" James Widdoes Story by: Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts		 March 22, 2010 (2010-03-22) 14.46[122]
158 19 "Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave" James Widdoes Story by: Mark Roberts & Don Foster
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 April 12, 2010 (2010-04-12) 13.71[123]
159 20 "I Called Him Magoo" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts, Don Foster & Susan Beavers		 May 10, 2010 (2010-05-10) 13.86[124]
160 21 "Gumby with a Pokey" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Susan Beavers & David Richardson
Teleplay by: Mark Roberts, Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 May 17, 2010 (2010-05-17) 13.28[125]
161 22 "This Is Not Gonna End Well" Lee Aronsohn Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Mark Roberts & Don Foster
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Susan Beavers, Jim Patterson & David Richardson		 May 24, 2010 (2010-05-24) 15.46[126]

Season 8 (2010/11)

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Main article: Two and a Half Men (season 8)
No.
overall		 No. in
season		 Title Directed by Written by Original air date U.S. viewers
(millions)
162 1 "Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Don Foster, Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky		 September 20, 2010 (2010-09-20) 14.65[127]
163 2 "A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Susan Beavers
Teleplay by: Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 September 27, 2010 (2010-09-27) 13.92[128]
164 3 "A Pudding-Filled Cactus" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & David Richardson
Teleplay by: Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers		 October 4, 2010 (2010-10-04) 14.37[129]
165 4 "Hookers, Hookers, Hookers" James Widdoes Story by: Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Jim Patterson		 October 11, 2010 (2010-10-11) 13.47[130]
166 5 "The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson		 October 18, 2010 (2010-10-18) 13.54[131]
167 6 "Twanging Your Magic Clanger" James Widdoes Story by: Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre, Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 October 25, 2010 (2010-10-25) 13.77[132]
168 7 "The Crazy Bitch Gazette" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 November 1, 2010 (2010-11-01) 13.64[133]
169 8 "Springtime on a Stick" James Widdoes Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson November 8, 2010 (2010-11-08) 13.63[134]
170 9 "A Good Time in Central Africa" James Widdoes Story by: Don Reo
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 November 15, 2010 (2010-11-15) 14.25[135]
171 10 "Ow, Ow, Don't Stop" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Susan Beavers, Don Reo & David Richardson		 November 22, 2010 (2010-11-22) 14.39[136]
172 11 "Dead from the Waist Down" James Widdoes Story by: Susan Beavers, David Richardson & Don Reo
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 December 6, 2010 (2010-12-06) 13.41[137]
173 12 "Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 December 13, 2010 (2010-12-13) 13.95[138]
174 13 "Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup"[139] James Widdoes Story by: Alissa Neubauer
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Don Reo & David Richardson		 January 3, 2011 (2011-01-03) 15.36[140]
175 14 "Lookin' for Japanese Subs" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson		 January 17, 2011 (2011-01-17) 15.56[141]
176 15 "Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak" James Widdoes Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson February 7, 2011 (2011-02-07) 15.15[142]
177 16 "That Darn Priest" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Susan Beavers, David Richardson & Don Reo		 February 14, 2011 (2011-02-14) 14.51[143]

Season 9 (2011/12)

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Main article: Two and a Half Men (season 9)
No.
overall		 No. in
season		 Title Directed by Written by Original air date U.S. viewers
(millions)
178 1 "Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt" James Widdoes Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson September 19, 2011 (2011-09-19) 28.74[144]
179 2 "People Who Love Peepholes" James Widdoes Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson September 26, 2011 (2011-09-26) 20.52[145]
180 3 "Big Girls Don't Throw Food" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Andrew J. B. Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 October 3, 2011 (2011-10-03) 17.71[146]
181 4 "Nine Magic Fingers" James Widdoes Story by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 October 10, 2011 (2011-10-10) 16.20[147]
182 5 "A Giant Cat Holding a Churro" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson
Teleplay by: Susan Beavers, Don Reo & David Richardson		 October 17, 2011 (2011-10-17) 15.14[148]
183 6 "The Squat and the Hover" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson
Teleplay by: Susan Beavers, Don Reo & David Richardson		 October 24, 2011 (2011-10-24) 15.29[149]
184 7 "Those Fancy Japanese Toilets" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 October 31, 2011 (2011-10-31) 13.90[150]
185 8 "Thank You for the Intercourse" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Susan McMartin
Teleplay by: Lee Aronsohn, Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 November 7, 2011 (2011-11-07) 14.71[151]
186 9 "Frodo's Headshots" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Susan Beavers, Don Reo & David Richardson		 November 14, 2011 (2011-11-14) 14.77[152]
187 10 "A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Gemma Baker
Teleplay by: Lee Aronsohn, Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 November 21, 2011 (2011-11-21) 15.82[153]
188 11 "What a Lovely Landing Strip" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson & Don Reo		 December 5, 2011 (2011-12-05) 15.18[154]
189 12 "One False Move, Zimbabwe!" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Jim Patterson, Eddie Gorodetsky & Don Reo		 December 12, 2011 (2011-12-12) 14.88[155]
190 13 "Slowly and in a Circular Fashion" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Ashton Kutcher
Teleplay by: Lee Aronsohn & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 January 2, 2012 (2012-01-02) 13.94[156]
191 14 "A Possum on Chemo" James Widdoes Story by: Susan Beavers & Susan McMartin
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre, Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson		 January 16, 2012 (2012-01-16) 13.02[157]
192 15 "The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, & Don Reo		 February 6, 2012 (2012-02-06) 13.00[158]
193 16 "Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy" James Widdoes Story by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, & Don Reo
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 February 13, 2012 (2012-02-13) 12.45[159]
194 17 "Not in My Mouth!" James Widdoes Story by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, & Don Reo
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 February 20, 2012 (2012-02-20) 13.33[160]
195 18 "The War Against Gingivitis" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, & Don Reo		 February 27, 2012 (2012-02-27) 11.92[161]
196 19 "Palmdale, Ech" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, & Don Reo		 March 19, 2012 (2012-03-19) 11.47[162]
197 20 "Grandma's Pie" James Widdoes Story by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson & Don Reo
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn		 April 9, 2012 (2012-04-09) 10.40[163]
198 21 "Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'" James Widdoes Story by: Lee Aronsohn & Susan Beavers
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre, Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson & Don Reo		 April 16, 2012 (2012-04-16) 11.22[164]
199 22 "Why We Gave Up Women" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson & Don Reo		 April 30, 2012 (2012-04-30) 11.32[165]
200 23 "The Straw in My Donut Hole" James Widdoes Story by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson & Don Reo
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn & Susan Beavers		 May 7, 2012 (2012-05-07) 11.43[166]
201 24 "Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn
Teleplay by: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson & Don Reo		 May 14, 2012 (2012-05-14) 11.55[167]

Season 10 (2012/13)

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Main article: Two and a Half Men (season 10)
No.
overall		 No. in
season		 Title Directed by Written by Original air date U.S. viewers
(millions)
202 1 "I Changed My Mind About the Milk" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Eddie Gorodetsky
Teleplay by: Don Reo & Jim Patterson		 September 27, 2012 (2012-09-27) 12.54[168]
203 2 "A Big Bag of Dog" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Don Reo
Teleplay by: Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky		 October 4, 2012 (2012-10-04) 12.33[169]
204 3 "Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt" James Widdoes Story by: Don Reo & Jim Patterson
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Eddie Gorodetsky		 October 11, 2012 (2012-10-11) 11.35[170]
205 4 "You Do Know What the Lollipop's For" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Alissa Neubauer
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson, & Eddie Gorodetsky		 October 18, 2012 (2012-10-18) 13.60[171]
206 5 "That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam" James Widdoes Story by: Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan McMartin
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre, Don Reo & Jim Patterson		 October 25, 2012 (2012-10-25) 12.94[172]
207 6 "Ferrets, Attack!" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Don Reo
Teleplay by: Jim Patterson, Eddie Gorodetsky, Matt Ross and Max Searle		 November 1, 2012 (2012-11-01) 12.65[173]
208 7 "Avoid the Chinese Mustard" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Gemma Baker
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky		 November 8, 2012 (2012-11-08) 14.07[174]
209 8 "Something My Gynecologist Said" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Jim Patterson
Teleplay by: Don Reo & Eddie Gorodetsky		 November 15, 2012 (2012-11-15) 13.87[175]
210 9 "I Scream When I Pee" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Don Reo
Teleplay by: Jim Patterson, Eddie Gorodetsky & Steve Tompkins		 November 29, 2012 (2012-11-29) 13.74[176]
211 10 "One Nut Johnson" James Widdoes Story by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky
Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre, Steve Tompkins & Alissa Neubauer		 December 6, 2012 (2012-12-06) 13.50[177]
212 11 "Give Santa a Tail-Hole" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Matt Ross & Mark Seale
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky		 December 13, 2012 (2012-12-13) 13.35[178]
213 12 "Welcome to Alancrest" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Don Reo and Steve Tompkins
Teleplay by: Jim Patterson, Eddie Gorodetsky and Susan McMartin		 January 3, 2013 (2013-01-03) 15.41[179]
214 13 "Grab a Feather and Get in Line" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Eddie Gorodetsky, & Gemma Baker
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson and Alissa Neubauer		 January 10, 2013 (2013-01-10) 14.40[180]
215 14 "Run, Steven Staven! Run!" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Jim Patterson and Susan McMartin
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Eddie Gorodetsky and Steve Tompkins		 January 31, 2013 (2013-01-31) 13.70[181]
216 15 "Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Don Reo and Eddie Gorodetsky
Teleplay by: Jim Patterson, Matt Ross and Max Searle		 February 7, 2013 (2013-02-07) 14.12[182]
217 16 "Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Eddie Gorodetsky and Alissa Neubauer
Teleplay by: Jim Patterson, Don Reo and Steve Tompkins		 February 14, 2013 (2013-02-14) 13.69[183]
218 17 "Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Jim Patterson and Nick Bakay
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Eddie Gorodetsky and Gemma Baker		 February 21, 2013 (2013-02-21) 13.41[184]
219 18 "The 9:04 from Pemberton" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Jim Patterson and Eddie Gorodetsky
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Steve Tompkins and Alissa Neubauer		 March 7, 2013 (2013-03-07) 13.54[185]
220 19 "Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Don Reo and Gemma Baker
Teleplay by: Jim Patterson, Eddie Gorodetsky and Susan McMartin		 March 14, 2013 (2013-03-14) 12.18[186]
221 20 "Bazinga! That's from a TV Show" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Jim Patterson and Eddie Gorodetsky
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Matt Ross and Max Searle		 April 4, 2013 (2013-04-04) 13.71[187]
222 21 "Another Night with Neil Diamond" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Don Reo and Steve Tompkins
Teleplay by: Jim Patterson, Eddie Gorodetsky and Nick Bakay		 April 25, 2013 (2013-04-25) 11.32[188]
223 22 "My Bodacious Vidalia" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Don Reo, Jim Patterson and Eddie Gorodetsky
Teleplay by: Gemma Baker, Matt Ross and Matt Searle		 May 2, 2013 (2013-05-02) 12.12[189]
224 23 "Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Alissa Neubauer and Susan McMartin
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky		 May 9, 2013 (2013-05-09) 12.83[190]

Season 11 (2013/14)

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Main article: Two and a Half Men (season 11)
No.
overall		 No. in
season		 Title Directed by Written by Original air date U.S. viewers
(millions)
225 1 "Nangnangnangnang" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Susan McMartin
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson & Steve Tompkins		 September 26, 2013 (2013-09-26) 11.59[191]
226 2 "I Think I Banged Lucille Ball" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Alissa Neubauer
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson & Jeff Lowell		 October 3, 2013 (2013-10-03) 9.34[192]
227 3 "This Unblessed Biscuit" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Jim Patterson
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Matt Ross & Matt Searle		 October 10, 2013 (2013-10-10) 9.14[193]
228 4 "Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre & Susan McMartin
Teleplay by: Jim Patterson, Don Reo & Steve Tompkins		 October 17, 2013 (2013-10-17) 8.59[194]
229 5 "Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003" James Widdoes Story by: Steve Tompkins, Alissa Neubauer & Don Reo
Teleplay by: Jim Patterson, Jeff Lowell & Jim Vallely		 October 24, 2013 (2013-10-24) 8.53[195]
230 6 "Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants" James Widdoes Story by: Don Reo, Susan McMartin & Jon Cryer
Teleplay by: Jim Patterson, Tim Kelleher & Jeff Lowell		 November 7, 2013 (2013-11-07) 8.27[196]
231 7 "Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie" James Widdoes Story by: Jim Patterson, Steve Tompkins & Jeff Lowell
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Matt Ross & Max Searle		 November 14, 2013 (2013-11-14) 8.66[197]
232 8 "Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room." James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Jim Patterson and Steve Tompkins
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Susan McMartin and Saladin Patterson		 November 21, 2013 (2013-11-21) 8.69[198]
233 9 "Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer" James Widdoes Story by: Don Reo, Tim Kelleher, Nathan Chetty
Teleplay by: Jim Patterson, Saladin Patterson, Jim Valley		 December 5, 2013 (2013-12-05) 8.47[199]
234 10 "On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!" James Widdoes Story by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson, Jeff Lowell
Teleplay by: Saladin Patterson, Matt Ross, Max Searle		 December 12, 2013 (2013-12-12) 8.54[200]
235 11 "Tazed in the Lady Nuts" James Widdoes Story by: Tim Kelleher, Jeff Lowell and Jim Vallely
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson and Steve Tompkins		 January 2, 2014 (2014-01-02) 8.74[201]
236 12 "Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball." James Widdoes Story by: Don Reo, Susan McMartin and Leslie Shapira
Teleplay by: Jim Patterson, Matt Ross and Matt Searle		 January 9, 2014 (2014-01-09) 9.58[202]
237 13 "Bite Me, Supreme Court" James Widdoes Story by: Tim Kelleher, Jeff Lowell and Jim Vallely
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson and Steve Tompkins		 January 30, 2014 (2014-01-30) 8.86[203]
238 14 "Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe" James Widdoes Story by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson and Maria Espada Pearce
Teleplay by: Steve Tompkins, Saladin K. Patterson and Susan McMartin		 February 6, 2014 (2014-02-06) 8.32[204]
239 15 "Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin" James Widdoes Story by: Jim Patterson, Tim Kelleher and Jim Vallely
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Matt Ross and Max Searle		 February 27, 2014 (2014-02-27) 10.02[205]
240 16 "How to Get Rid of Alan Harper" James Widdoes Story by: Saladin K. Patterson, Jim Vallely and Leslie Schapira
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson, and Jeff Lowell		 March 6, 2014 (2014-03-06) 10.38[206]
241 17 "Welcome Home, Jake" James Widdoes Story by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson and Saladin K. Patterson
Teleplay by: Tim Kelleher, Matt Ross and Max Searle		 March 13, 2014 (2014-03-13) 9.43[207]
242 18 "West Side Story" James Widdoes Story by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson and Susan McMartin
Teleplay by: Jeff Lowell, Matt Ross and Max Searle		 April 3, 2014 (2014-04-03) 9.23[208]
243 19 "Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang" James Widdoes Story by: Jeff Lowell, Matt Ross and Max Searle
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson and Steve Tompkins		 April 10, 2014 (2014-04-10) 9.55[209]
244 20 "Lotta Delis in Little Armenia" James Widdoes Story by: Don Reo, Steve Tompkins and Saladin K. Patterson
Teleplay by: Jim Patterson, Tim Kelleher and Jim Vallely		 April 24, 2014 (2014-04-24) 9.35[210]
245 21 "Dial 1-900-MIX-A-LOT" James Widdoes Story by: Jim Patterson, Matt Ross and Max Searle
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Steve Tompkins and Susan McMartin		 May 1, 2014 (2014-05-01) 8.97[211]
246 22 "Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead" James Widdoes Story by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson, Tim Kelleher and Jim Vallely
Teleplay by: Steve Tompkins, Jeff Lowell, Matt Ross and Max Searle		 May 8, 2014 (2014-05-08) 8.35[212]

Season 12 (2014/15)

<templatestyles src="Module:Hatnote/styles.css"></templatestyles>

Main article: Two and a Half Men (season 12)
No.
overall		 No. in
season		 Title Directed by Written by Original air date U.S. viewers
(millions)
247 1 "The Ol' Mexican Spinach" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, & Warren Bell
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson & Steve Tompkins		 October 30, 2014 (2014-10-30) 10.29[213]
248 2 "A Chic Bar in Ibiza" James Widdoes Story by: Lee Aronsohn, Don Reo, & Jim Patterson
Teleplay by: Tim Kelleher, Saladin K. Patterson, & Jim Vallely		 November 6, 2014 (2014-11-06) 9.12[214]
249 3 "Glamping in a Yurt" James Widdoes Story by: Saladin K. Patterson, Matt Ross, & Max Searle
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson, & Jim Vallely		 November 13, 2014 (2014-11-13) 8.75[215]
250 4 "Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight" James Widdoes Story by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson, & Steve Tompkins
Teleplay by: Warren Bell, Matt Ross, & Max Searle		 November 20, 2014 (2014-11-20) 8.62[216]
251 5 "Oontz. Oontz. Oontz." James Widdoes Story by: Don Reo, Steve Tompkins, & Warren Bell
Teleplay by: Jim Patterson, Tim Kelleher, & Saladin K. Patterson		 November 27, 2014 (2014-11-27) 6.93[217]
252 6 "Alan Shot a Little Girl" Jon Cryer Story by: Don Reo, Maria Espada Pearce, Nathan Chetty
Teleplay by: Jim Patterson, Steve Tompkins, Warren Bell		 December 4, 2014 (2014-12-04) 8.10[218]
253 7 "Sex with an Animated Ed Asner" James Widdoes Story by: Jim Patterson, Jim Vallely and Tim Kelleher
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Matt Ross and Max Searle		 December 11, 2014 (2014-12-11) 9.30[219]
254 8 "Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey" James Widdoes Story by: Warren Bell, Saladin K. Patterson, & Jim Vallely
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson, & Steve Thompkins		 December 18, 2014 (2014-12-18) 8.80[220]
255 9 "Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey" James Widdoes Story by: Jim Patterson, Tim Kelleher, & Saladin K. Patterson
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Matt Ross, & Max Searle		 January 8, 2015 (2015-01-08) 10.07[221]
256 10 "Here I Come, Pants!" James Widdoes Story by: Chuck Lorre, Don Reo, & Jim Patterson
Teleplay by: Tim Kelleher, Matt Ross, & Max Searle		 January 15, 2015 (2015-01-15) 9.38[222]
257 11 "For Whom the Booty Calls" James Widdoes Story by: Warren Bell, Saladin K. Patterson, & Jim Vallely
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson, & Steve Tompkins		 January 22, 2015 (2015-01-22) 9.31[223]
258 12 "A Beer-Battered Rip-Off" James Widdoes Story by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson, & Jeff Lowell
Teleplay by: Matt Ross, Max Searle, & Nathan Chetty		 January 29, 2015 (2015-01-29) 9.71[224]
259 13 "Boompa Loved His Hookers" James Widdoes Story by: Steve Tompkins, Warren Bell & Jeff Lowell
Teleplay by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson & Nathan Chetty		 February 5, 2015 (2015-02-05) 9.39[225]
260 14 "Don't Give a Monkey a Gun" James Widdoes Story by: Don Reo, Jim Patterson & Tim Kelleher
Teleplay by: Jim Vallely, Matt Ross & Max Searle		 February 12, 2015 (2015-02-12) 9.33[226]
261
262		 15
16		 "Of Course He's Dead" James Widdoes Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Don Reo & Jim Patterson February 19, 2015 (2015-02-19) 13.52[227]

References

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External links

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