The Lion Has Phones

"The Lion Has Phones"
Dad's Army episode
Episode no.	Series Three Episode 015
Directed by	David Croft
Story by	Jimmy Perry and David Croft
Produced by	David Croft
Original air date	Thursday 25/9/69 7.30pm (recorded Sunday 8/6/69)
Running time	30 minutes

The Lion Has 'Phones is the third episode of the third series of the British comedy series Dad's Army that was originally transmitted on Thursday 25 September 1969.

Plot

After a successful exercise in camouflage, Mainwaring delivers a lecture on communications. Apparently, the four main targets are the gasometer, the railway bridge, the telephone exchange and the reservoir. They are vital to the town's survival, so two men will be posted at each location. If they see anything suspicious, they will phone Mainwaring via the nearest telephone box. Frazer asks Mainwaring what will happen if the telephone boxes are out of action, and many alternatives are suggested, including a heliograph, tick-tacking, shooting a hole in the top of the gasometer and setting fire to it, and tapping the railway line and laying your ear onto it (Pike dismisses this idea by telling Jones that a train may come and run over your ear)

Pike and Godfrey admit they do not know how to use a telephone box; Mrs Pike believes they are unhygienic and Godfrey is hopeless with machines. After a hilarious practical demonstration, they march down to the telephone box nearest the reservoir. Pike is the first to get the lesson, but the recipient of the call is Mrs Pike, who gives Mainwaring and Wilson an earful. When a queue begins to form, Walker cons them into believing that telephone calls are going on ration from tomorrow!

That evening, while out on patrol, Frazer and Walker spot a German plane crash into the reservoir. Walker phones Mainwaring, then mysteriously vanishes. Mainwaring and the rest of the platoon arrive, and their verbal attempts to persuade the Germans to surrender results in heavy gunfire. Mainwaring tells Jones to memorise and destroy the paper when he phones GHQ, but Jones' muddleheadedness as he says "Memorise and destroy the phone" results in him ringing the Embassy cinema instead, and ends up believing that Googie Withers and Eric Portman are aboard the plane. He gets no joy from emergency services either, so ARP Warden Hodges helps Jones get through.

Eventually, Lieutenant Hope-Bruce of the Coldstream Guards arrives and tells Mainwaring that they've surrounded the reservoir. He pompously tries to get Mainwaring to leave the situation in the hands of the regular army, but is quick to cancel an order for mortar bombs under Mainwaring's persuasion. Walker returns and tells Mainwaring that he's talked to the man in charge of the reservoir: he has opened the sluices, and the Germans will have to swim for it in less than two hours. Laughing, Mainwaring says they should leave the mopping up to the Coldstream Guards.

Notes

1. The working title for this episode was 'Sorry, Wrong Number', which was the title used for the later radio episode.
2. The episode title is a reference to the 1939 propaganda film The Lion Has Wings.
3. When Jones accidentally rings up the cinema, they mistakenly believe he is enquiring about the 1941 film One of Our Aircraft Is Missing starring, as they tell him, Googie Withers. A poster for this film can be seen on the wall of the box office.
4. In this episode, Sgt Wilson says "I have never heard you swear before, sir", when Captain Mainwaring says "bloody cheek". This is untrue, as Wilson has heard Mainwaring say "the rotten bastard" in The Showing Up of Corporal Jones, an episode from Series 1.
5. When the ladies join the queue for the telephone box, Pamela Cundell's character is referred to as Mrs Fox, the character she played two episodes previously, yet she is still credited as 'Lady in Queue'.

Cast

• Arthur Lowe as Captain Mainwaring
• John Le Mesurier as Sergeant Wilson
• Clive Dunn as Lance Corporal Jones
• John Laurie as Private Frazer
• James Beck as Private Walker
• Arnold Ridley as Private Godfrey
• Ian Lavender as Private Pike
• Janet Davies as Mrs Pike
• Bill Pertwee as ARP Warden Hodges
• Avril Angers as Telephone Operator
• Timothy Carlton as Lieutenant Hope-Bruce
• Stanley McGeagh as Sergeant Waller
• Pamela Cundell, Olive Mercer, Bernadette Milnes as Ladies in the queue
• Gilda Perry as Doreen
• Linda James as Betty
• Richard Jacques as Mr Cheesewright
• Colin Daniel and Carson Green as Boys

Radio episode

"Sorry, Wrong Number"
Dad's Army episode
Episode no.	Series One Episode 015
Story by	Harold Snoad and Michael Knowles
Produced by	John Dyas
Original air date	Monday 6/5/74, 6.15pm (recorded Friday 27/7/73)
Running time	30 minutes

External links

• "The Lion Has Phones" at BBC Programmes
• "The Lion Has Phones" at IMDb
• "The Lion Has Phones" at TV.com